How Do You Coach Different People Effectively? A Better Way to Bring Out Their Best

What You’ll Learn in This Article

If you manage employees, coach athletes, lead a team, or parent a teenager or young adult, you have probably discovered an important truth:

What works for one person does not necessarily work for another.

• One person may thrive when you give them freedom and get out of the way. Another wants a clear plan.
• One responds well to direct feedback. Another needs you to choose your words more carefully.
• One wants public recognition and competition. Another would rather the entire team win together.
• One makes decisions quickly. Another needs time to think.

The Birkman Method helps uncover these differences. One of my favorite ways to describe the Birkman Coaching Page is that it is almost like a one-page owner’s manual for coaching someone to be the best version of themselves.

It can help answer questions such as:

• How should I manage different personalities on my team?
• How do I motivate an employee?
• What kind of feedback will this person respond to?
• How much direction or autonomy should I give someone?
• Why does an employee perform well for one manager but struggle with another?
• How can I communicate better with my boss?
• How can I be a better manager?
• How should I coach an athlete based on their personality?
• How can I coach my child?
• How can parents transition from directing their child to coaching a young adult?

The goal isn’t to put people into boxes.

It is to recognize that different people may need different things from us in order to perform at their best.

Why Doesn’t the Same Coaching Style Work for Everyone?

A common mistake in leadership and coaching is treating others the way we want to be treated.

That sounds reasonable. It often isn’t.

• You may love direct feedback, so you assume everyone else wants you to get straight to the point.
• You may perform well with very little supervision, so you assume giving everyone autonomy is empowering.
• You may be highly competitive, so you assume contests, rankings, and individual incentives will motivate everyone.

But the other person may experience those exact behaviors very differently.

That’s one reason managing people can become frustrating.

You think:

“I’m giving this person exactly what I would want.”

And that may be the problem.

Effective coaching requires learning what they need—not simply projecting what works for you onto them.

What Does Someone Need From Me to Perform at Their Best?

This may be the most important question a manager, coach, or parent can ask. The Birkman Method explores Needs: the often less-visible expectations people have of others and their environment. Those Needs can influence things such as:

• How much social interaction someone wants
• The amount of activity or downtime they prefer
• Whether communication should be direct or tactful
• How much authority and direction they expect
• Whether they prefer structure or flexibility
• Whether they respond better to individual or group rewards
• How much variety they want
• Whether they prefer quick decisions or time to process

Needs matter because they aren’t always obvious from someone’s outward behavior.

• A highly sociable employee might still need time alone.
• Someone who appears flexible may actually perform better when there is a clear plan behind the scenes.
• A cooperative person may still care strongly about individual recognition.

That’s why observing someone’s behavior doesn’t always tell you everything you need to know about how to coach them.

How Do I Motivate Different Employees?

There isn’t one universal answer to, “How do I motivate my employees?”

That’s part of the problem with generic management advice. Different people may be motivated by very different environments.

For example, one employee might be energized by:

• Competition
• Individual goals
• Recognition
• Opportunities for advancement

Someone else might prefer:

• Team accomplishments
• Collaboration
• Shared recognition
• A lower level of internal competition

Another employee may need a full schedule and constant activity. Someone else may perform better with breathing room, fewer meetings, and greater control over their pace.

Motivation can also involve the activities themselves. Some people are naturally pulled toward influencing, helping, analyzing, creating, organizing, troubleshooting, or hands-on execution.

A good manager therefore has to go beyond:

“What reward should I offer?”

and begin asking:

“What conditions allow this person to naturally bring more energy to the work?”

How Much Direction Should I Give an Employee?

Some employees want considerable autonomy. Give them the destination, explain the boundaries, and let them decide how to get there.

Other employees are more comfortable when expectations, authority, procedures, and responsibilities are clearly defined.

Neither approach is inherently better.

The problem occurs when there is a mismatch.

A manager who values autonomy may think:

“I don’t want to micromanage them.”

Meanwhile, the employee may be thinking:

“I have no idea what my boss actually wants.”

The reverse can happen too.

A manager who believes detailed direction is helpful can frustrate someone who performs best with independence.

The employee starts thinking:

“Why did you hire me if you aren’t going to let me do my job?”

Understanding the individual’s expectations can help a leader find the right amount of direction instead of blindly choosing between micromanagement and hands-off leadership.

Should I Be Direct or Tactful When Giving Feedback?

This is another area where good intentions frequently go wrong. Some people value directness. They would rather you say:

“Here’s the problem. Here’s what needs to change.”

They may actually become frustrated if you spend too much time softening the message.

Other people are more sensitive to how you deliver feedback. They may want context, discussion, encouragement, and careful wording—particularly around criticism or personal issues.

Neither person necessarily dislikes feedback. They may simply need to receive it differently.

That distinction can be extremely helpful for managers, employees, coaches, parents, and couples. The goal is to communicate the message in a way that improves the odds the other person can hear what you are saying during difficult conversations and use it.

How Much Structure Does Someone Need?

Think about two employees working on the same project.

Employee A wants:

• A deadline
• A process
• Defined responsibilities
• Detailed expectations
• A clear project plan

Employee B wants:

• The objective
• A few broad guidelines
• Freedom to adapt
• Minimal bureaucracy
• Permission to change the plan if circumstances change

Now put Employee B under a highly structured manager.

Or put Employee A under a leader who constantly says, “Just figure it out.”

Both employees may be talented. Both can still become frustrated. Understanding a person’s preferred relationship with structure can help a manager determine when to give detailed instructions and when to provide room to improvise.

Does Someone Need Variety or Time to Focus?

Another employee coaching question is:

Does this person perform better with frequent changes in activity or with long periods of uninterrupted concentration?

Someone who wants variety may enjoy:

• Multiple projects
• Frequent changes
• New challenges
• Shifting priorities
• A faster-changing environment

Someone who prefers greater focus may want:

• Fewer interruptions
• Time to complete something before switching
• Predictable priorities
• Advance notice of changes

This is especially true in today’s workplace, where Slack, email, meetings, text messages, and constantly shifting priorities can create nonstop interruptions.

One person’s stimulating environment can be another person’s nightmare.

Does Someone Need Quick Decisions or Time to Think?

Some people process quickly. They want enough information to make the call and move. Others naturally consider more possibilities and consequences before committing. Again, neither is automatically better. The difference becomes important when coaching someone through decisions.

Telling a reflective person:

“Stop overthinking it and decide.”

may create unnecessary pressure.

Allowing an extremely decisive person to make every important decision immediately can create a different problem.

Good, personalized coaching helps people use their natural strengths while also recognizing when those strengths can become overused. Sometimes the decisive person needs to slow down. Sometimes the reflective person needs a deadline.

The objective is to help them use their personality more effectively without changing who they are or how they are wired.

How Can I Be a Better Manager for Different Personality Types?

One of the biggest shifts a manager can make to manage different personalities is moving away from:

“This is my management style.”

toward:

“What does this person need from me?”

You still need standards. You still need accountability. You still need deadlines and performance expectations.

Personalized management means recognizing that different people may reach the same place through different approaches.

One employee may need:

• More autonomy

Another:

• More clarity

Another:

• More personal recognition

Another:

• More time to process

Another:

• More frequent changes and challenges

Another:

• Fewer interruptions

This is where I find the Birkman Coaching Page especially practical.

Instead of expecting a manager to remember every detail of a personality assessment, the Coaching Page distills the information into specific suggestions you can reference quickly.

That’s why I describe it as a one-page manual for helping someone be the best version of themselves.

Can I Give My Birkman Coaching Page to My Boss?

Yes, and I think employees can sometimes get as much value from the Coaching Page as managers do.

Imagine starting a conversation with your manager by saying:

“I learned some things about how I work best that I thought might help us work together.”

Now the discussion isn’t:

“You’re managing me wrong.”

It’s:

“Here are some conditions that tend to help me perform at my best.”

That can create a much more productive conversation around questions such as:

• How much autonomy works best for me?
• How do I prefer to receive feedback?
• How much structure helps me?
• What kind of recognition motivates me?
• Do I need time to think before making decisions?
• How much variety do I need?
• How frequently should we meet?
• What communication style helps me respond best?

Employees shouldn’t expect every preference to be accommodated all the time. But giving your manager better information about how to work with you can improve the odds that you both get better results. It also creates shared language for discussing situations when things aren’t working.

How Can Parents Coach a Teenager or Young Adult More Effectively?

I think this application is particularly useful with students. As children become teenagers, college students, and young adults, the parent’s role has to evolve. At some point, the relationship needs to shift from primarily:

Parent → Child

toward more of:

Coach → Emerging Adult

That’s difficult for both sides.

Parents have years of experience making decisions, setting expectations, solving problems, and protecting their children. Young adults increasingly need to make their own decisions and experience the consequences.

Birkman can give families a neutral framework for talking about what type of support helps the student most.

For example:

• Does the student need clear structure or more freedom?
• Do they want parents to give direct advice or help them talk through possibilities?
• Do they make decisions quickly or need time to process?
• Do they respond well to emotional reassurance, or do they prefer practical solutions?
• Do they need encouragement and personal affirmation?
• Do they perform well with lots of activities or become depleted when overscheduled?

Those questions move the discussion beyond:

“Why won’t my child listen to me?”

or:

“Why won’t my parents leave me alone?”

Instead, the family can begin asking:

“What kind of support actually helps this person become more independent and successful?”

That is a much more productive and personalized coaching conversation.

How Should a Sports Coach Coach Different Athletes?

The same principle applies in sports. A coach would never assume every athlete has the same physical strengths. But coaches sometimes unintentionally treat athletes as though they should respond to the same psychological approach.

• One athlete may respond well to public challenges.
• Another may shut down.
• One may be highly motivated by winning a starting position.
• Another may be motivated more by contributing to the team’s success.
• One may want direct, forceful coaching.
• Another may respond better to a quieter one-on-one conversation.
• One athlete may move past a mistake immediately.
• Another may need more time to process what happened.
• One may thrive on constant activity and stimulation.
• Another may need quiet time to reset.

The standards shouldn’t necessarily change. The coaching approach can.

The Birkman Coaching Page can give a coach another source of information for deciding how to communicate with, motivate, challenge, and support each athlete.

Can Understanding Individual Personalities Improve Team Chemistry?

I believe it can, because team chemistry isn’t simply about finding people who are alike. In many cases, high-performing teams need people who approach problems differently.

The challenge is learning how to work with those differences. When teammates understand one another better, behaviors that previously seemed irritating can begin to make more sense.

• The person asking ten questions may not be trying to slow everyone down. They may naturally think through more consequences.
• The teammate pushing for a decision may not be reckless. They may naturally reach conclusions more quickly.
• The person asking for a detailed plan may not be controlling.
• The teammate who wants flexibility may not be disorganized.
• The quiet athlete may not be disengaged.
• The highly social athlete may not be unfocused.

This doesn’t excuse ineffective behavior. It provides context. And context can replace judgment with a better question:

“What does this person see or need that I might be missing?”

That can help improve communication, trust, role clarity, and chemistry across a team.

Is Personalized Coaching the Same as Treating Everyone Differently?

Yes and no. It means treating people differently in how you help them succeed, but not necessarily in the standards you expect them to meet.

This distinction matters. Fairness does not always mean treating everyone identically.

Imagine a coach saying:

“Every athlete gets coached exactly the same because that’s fair.”

That sounds reasonable until you recognize that one communication style may energize one athlete and undermine another. I played sports for many years. I struggled with authoritative coaches “think Nick Saban” because I needed a more suggestive approach. 

The same applies in business. Accountability can remain consistent while a leader’s communication, motivation, delegation, recognition, and support become more individualized.

What Questions Can the Birkman Coaching Page Help Answer?

This is why I find this single page so useful. It can help start conversations around questions such as:

• How should this person be coached?
• How should I communicate with them?
• How much autonomy should I give them?
• How much structure do they need?
• How should I give them feedback?
• What kind of recognition motivates them?
• Do they need competition or collaboration?
• Do they prefer a busy schedule or more downtime?
• Do they need variety or uninterrupted focus?
• Should I push for a decision or give them time to think?
• What kind of environment helps them perform at their best?
• What might cause frustration or reduce their effectiveness?

It gives you a framework for getting to know them better.

The Goal is to Help People Perform at Their Best.

That may be the biggest takeaway. Whether you’re a manager, coach, parent, employee, or athlete, effective coaching doesn’t start by asking:

“How do I make this person operate more like me?”

A better question is:

“What does this person need in order to become the best version of themselves?”

That is what I like about the Birkman Coaching Page. It translates a much deeper personality assessment into something extremely practical.

• A manager can keep it nearby when preparing for a one-on-one.
• An employee can share it with a boss.
• Parents and students can use it to discuss what support and independence should look like.
• A sports coach can use it to better understand how individual athletes respond to direction, feedback, structure, motivation, and pressure.

In that sense, it’s close to a one-page owner’s manual for coaching an individual. I’m not saying people are like machines.  Instead, understanding someone better gives you a much better chance of helping them perform, grow, and thrive.

How Career Upside Uses Birkman for Coaching and Performance

At Career Upside, I use the Birkman Method with individuals, students, parents, business leaders, teams, and athletes to go beyond surface-level personality descriptions.

The objective is practical application.

• How do you communicate?
• What motivates you?
• What do you need from the people around you?
• What happens when those Needs aren’t being met?
• How can a manager, parent, teammate, or coach help bring out your best?
• And how can you take greater responsibility for communicating those needs yourself?

That is where personality data becomes useful because it creates awareness. The goal is to use that awareness to improve how you work, lead, communicate, and perform.

If you’re trying to help an individual or team perform at a higher level, you can schedule a free consultation with Career Upside to discuss how Birkman might fit.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you coach different personality types effectively?

Start by recognizing that people differ in how they prefer to receive feedback, direction, recognition, structure, interaction, and decision-making support. Instead of applying one coaching style to everyone, learn what helps each person perform effectively while maintaining consistent expectations and accountability.

How can I be a better manager for different personalities?

Move beyond a single management style. Some employees need greater autonomy, while others want clearer direction. Some respond to direct feedback, while others benefit from more tact and discussion. Good management combines consistent performance standards with an individualized approach to communication and support.

How do you motivate different employees?

Employee motivation varies. Some people respond strongly to individual recognition, advancement, or competition, while others value collaboration and team success. Motivation can also come from the type of work someone does, the variety they have, their level of autonomy, and whether their work environment fits their underlying needs.

How do I know what motivates an employee?

Ask, observe, and use assessment data when appropriate. Look at the activities the employee naturally gravitates toward, how they respond to different types of recognition, the environment where they appear most engaged, and the conditions that seem to create frustration. The Birkman Method adds another data source for understanding these motivational patterns.

How much autonomy should I give an employee?

It depends on the person, their capabilities, the situation, and the risk involved. Some employees perform best with broad goals and considerable freedom. Others want clearer instructions, processes, and expectations. Effective delegation means finding the right balance, not assuming more autonomy is always better.

What is the best way to give employees feedback?

No single communication style works best for everyone. Some people value concise, direct feedback, while others respond better when feedback includes more context, tact, discussion, or encouragement. The message may stay the same, but the delivery can change.

Can a personality assessment help managers coach employees?

Yes, when used as one source of information rather than a rigid label. A personality assessment can help managers understand differences in communication, motivation, work style, decision-making, and environmental preferences. Those insights can create better coaching conversations.

Can I share my Birkman results with my manager?

Yes. Sharing relevant Birkman information can provide a neutral starting point for discussing how you work best. The goal should not be to give your manager a list of demands, but to help both of you understand the conditions, communication styles, and approaches that tend to help you perform effectively.

How can parents coach a teenager or college student without controlling them?

As children become young adults, parents can gradually shift from making decisions for them toward asking questions, helping them think through consequences, and providing support based on what the student actually needs. Understanding the student’s communication, structure, autonomy, and decision-making preferences can make that transition easier.

How do you coach athletes with different personalities?

Athletes can respond differently to feedback, competition, pressure, recognition, structure, and communication. The performance standard may remain consistent, but coaches can adjust how they deliver feedback and motivation based on the individual athlete.

Can personality differences affect team chemistry?

Yes. Differences in communication, decision-making, competitiveness, structure, emotional expression, and social interaction can all influence team dynamics. Understanding those differences can reduce misinterpretation and help teammates use complementary approaches more effectively.

Should a manager treat every employee the same?

Managers should apply standards and accountability fairly, but effective leadership does not require identical treatment. Different employees may need different amounts of direction, recognition, feedback, interaction, or autonomy to achieve the same performance expectations.

What is the Birkman Coaching Page?

The Birkman Coaching Page is a concise report that translates an individual’s Birkman patterns into practical coaching suggestions. It can offer guidance on communication, direction, structure, motivation, pace, focus, recognition, and decision-making, helping you understand how to support that individual more effectively.

Is the Birkman Coaching Page only for managers?

No. While it can be valuable for managers, the same insights can help employees, parents, students, coaches, athletes, mentors, and others who want a clearer understanding of how to support an individual’s performance and development.